merry xmas ...

time to go and celebrate....

......joy and peace to you and yours this holiday season

happy xmas and happy holidays, everyone....

Funny how small thing creates enormous changes

It’s only a one sentence text message
but really…

it did boost my day =)

(got it from one of free e-card website hahaha)

moms are like cookies...
they come in every size and shape..
they can usually make you feel better..
and they're sweet and warm like you..

for my mom...happy mother's day...dec 22, 05
love you, as always...and zillion thanks for all that you are...

to let go and to forfeit...
just like michaela said...

will it make anything better? perhaps..

"katanya cinta? kenapa pergi?"
"katanya mau? kenapa nolak?"
"katanya pengen? kenapa mundur?"
"katanya percaya? kenapa nagih?"
dan dgn sejuta "katanya" juga ga bakal ngebuat situasi better koq..

well..you'll not always get what you want, won't ya?
at least..no more stay awake til late at nite, no more long and puzzling conversation, no more hope, no more wish, no more lies..no more...waiting in exhale...

*dan kalo nanya ama orang, pasti jawabannya tuh: "g bilang juga apa...."
taela....kalo nyesel dateng duluan, kita ga bakal ngapa"in lagi dari pertama dunks?
yeea yeaaaaa yeaaaaaa.....

thanks for inspiring this writing...

ternyata....

(kadang")
ternyata manusia itu bisa lebih ga berperasaan dibanding binatang ya?
ternyata manusia itu bisa lebih tegaan dibanding binatang ya?
ternyata manusia itu bisa lebih ga bisa diajak ngomong dibanding binatang ya?

ternyata manusia itu bisa jauuuuuuuuuuuuuh lebih kasar dibanding binatang ya..
ternyata manusa itu bisa lebih kaku dibanding binatang ya
ternyata manusia itu sering berlaku seperti binatang ya...
ternyata manusia itu lebih $*&@#^ dibanding binatang ya...

" i know it's always going to be like this"

Hot Xmas..

xmas is just around the corner...i start to have this phobia...
damn..i hate end of year.. i hate the beginning of the year, too
i hate december n january...it's always freaking me out for the past few years..
besides...it's my first xmas in this hot summer xmas...

xmas where the gum trees grow...
there is no frost and there is no snow
xmas in australia is hot...
cold and frosty is what it's not
when the bloom of the jacaranda tree is here
xmas time is near....

while in my mind...xmas is something to do with snow, xmas tree, white xmas, cold weather, thick clothes, gifts, hugs, mistletoe, kisses and hmm xmas carol everywhere...

geez..all i want for xmas is going home...at least i have some comfort to kill this freaking moment away...

u have to choose...

ujan" gini..tiba" adja g keinget omongan Michaela..(salah satu murid g) waktu salah satu temennya nangis sambil whinging...

u have to choose.
if u wanna cry, then stop talking...
if u wanna talk, then stop crying...
cause u can't do two things at the same time....besides..noone will understand or listen..

bener ya...melakukan hal yang sama pada waktu bersaman memang berat.....in the end...
we (still) gotta choose.......and forfeit one of them.....

being dominant

they say....i like being dominant...from the way i speak....from how i ask questions....they can tell from almost everything i do....

ga pernah nyadar akan hal itu....ga pernah tau kalo emang g demen jd dominan. tapi memang dari dulu, g seakan dibiasakan untuk jadi dominan. terutama dalam hubungan. di mana sebagian mantan" g selalu ngasih space berlebihan buat g utk selalu jd dominan. untuk menyerahkan 'kekuasaan' buat g.

kadang g menikmati walaupun ga jarang g capek....banget...
kayak skrg ini....pdhl baru g rasain lagi di mana hampir belakangan ini udah menguap rasanya perasaan ini. it feels good though.

but still...i want the mutual feeling... =)
tsaaaaaaaah.......

some words from John Legend...

at times we get sick in love
it seems like we argue everyday...

I know i misbehaved
and u made yr mistake
and we both still got room left to grow
and though love sometimes hurt
i still put u first
and we'll make this thing work
but i think we should take it slow

we're just ordinary people, we don't know which way to go...
coz...we're just ordinary people...

this ain't movie
nor fairy tale
and it gets more confusing everyday.. (yes...EVERYDAY!!!!!!!!)
sometimes it's like heaven sent
then we head back to hell again...
we kiss and we make up on the way

i hang up your call
we rise and we fall
and we feel like just walking away
as our love advances
we take second (perhaps zillion) changes
though it's not a fantasy
i still want u to stay...

maybe we'll live and we learn
maybe we'll crash and burn
maybe u'll stay and u'll leave
maybe u'll return
maybe another fight
maybe we won't survive
but maybe we'll grow...
we never know baby...
U and I...

*well, John...u're rite...u're so damn rite...
we really dunno....coz we're ordinary people.....*

pf: BIG apology, dear... i did big mistakes 2nite.....yesterday....and the days b4....

Something Missing (John Mayer)

I'm not alone, I wish I was.
Cause then I'd know, I was down because
I couldn't find, a friend around
To love me like, they do right now.
They do right now.

I'm dizzy from the shopping malls
I searched for joy, but I bought it all
It doesn't help the hunger pains and a thirst
I'd have to drown first to ever satiate

Something's missing
And I don't know how to fix it
something's missing
And I don't know what it is
At all

When autumn comes, it doesnt ask.
It just walks in, where it left you last.
And you never know, when it starts
Until there's fog inside the glass around your summer heart

I can't be sure that this state of mind, is not of my own design
I wish there was an over the counter test, for loneliness.
For loneliness like this.

Something's missing
And I don't know how to fix it
Something's missing
And I don't know what it is
No I don't know what it is
Something's different
And i don't know what it is
No I don't know what it is

--soundtrack mood g malem ini--

Xmas Play n We're done...

rasanya baru kemarin kami bertemu anak". rasanya baru kemarin kami menghabiskan waktu bersama..dari senin sampai jumat. dan beberapa acara di luar sekolah lainnya...

dan kemarin....waktu itu telah tiba. setelah kami boleh menebar senyum karena penampilan anak" yang memuaskan ...yup! they did it! dengan senyum dan kepuasan di wajah masing" karena mereka berhasil mempertunjukkan di depan orang tua masing" kalau mereka cukup 'besar' untuk mementaskan sebuah drama berdurasi setengah jam ...

walau sempat terjadi kekacauan. ada yang kostumnya tiba" rusak di tengah"...ada yang tiba" ngambek dan tidak mau ikut serta....tapi overall..they did it well....and we're so proud of them...

setelah afternoon tea dan foto" tentu saja....and that's it....anak" resmi lepas dari kami. dan tentu saja kami harus rela..melepaskan mereka yang telah menemani hari" kami selama kurang lebih setaun ini ...thanks for being fuel to our soul, friends..

it's not good bye my dear friends....it's a see you later...

and welcome to grade one.....you all deserve that...

one question...

if i were asked one question:

definitely the answer will be....going home.......oh well, i feel so homesick now....

people say, we have our own home, own place to stay...

perhaps going home would be the best answer, wouldn't it?

-in the mids of the nite.....miz U, too-

it's too long.........

anak" akan mementaskan 'christmas play' minggu dpn, tepatnya tgl 30 november.

kebanyakan dari mereka sudah tidak sabar. tapi tunggu dulu, tidak sabar mereka ada bermacam" versi...

ada" saja tanggapan mereka.

seperti ini:

'why we should wait this long for christmas play? i'm afraid i'll forget that by the time we perform that, tanti..'

'i think i'd better wait because i don't think i 'm good enough to show it to my mom and dad'

' do you think i am good enough to be the angel? i think i'd better be star instead of angel'

' i don't like being the gigantic star, because i have to stand for the whole play'

' i have told my mom and dad to come earlier so that they can sit at the front'

' what?i am the shepherd? i thought i am the angel'

'can i be the drummer boy? i want to walk around the stage so that my parents can see me'

--> jadi sebelum dan sesudah latihan, kami biasanya sibuk mendengarkan segala 'kesan dan pesan' mereka....cukup membingungkan memang, karena kami tidak bisa memenuhi semua keingingan mereka..

sudah lebih dari dua bulan kami mempersiapkan pentas ini. dan tidak hanya mereka, kami juga pasti tidak sabar menunggu rabu depan.

alasan kami?

well.....is it or is it not? karena so far dari rehearsal, they look okay and ready for the performance next wednesday. tapi segala sesuatu bisa terjadi kan? keep your fingers crossed then....

di mana sekaligus kami merasa sedih karena persis setelah pentas, kami harus rela 'melepas' anak" untuk naik ke kelas 1.

masih ada 10 hari untuk bersama mereka.....dan mulai minggu ini, kami latihan dengan kostum lengkap, walaupun beberapa di antara mereka keberatan.

mau tau salah satu alasan mereka (lagi)?

'i don't wanna wear this costume. it won't be a surprise anymore for the play. i've promised my mom and dad a whole lot suprise on christmas play. if i wear it now, i have to pretend that i don't know, don' I? it's too long to keep the secret. i have done that since the first rehearsal'

pantas saja ada beberapa orang tua yang sering bertanya 'christmas play' itu apa.....

ooo well......ternyata mereka memang sudah layak naik ke kelas 1 =) ...

promise..hope....lie.. are they linked together?

i've been passed what (so-called) being loved that much..and to love someone so much...

but still this thing keeps playing on my mind..

to let it go...
to keep the promise...
to give the hope...
or just simply wrap them in a lie?

geez......it's kinda like the world's hardest 'assignment' ...takes forever....

can someone tell me how to accomplish this assignment?????

secret garden

listening to this song for zillion times...got the meaning from it.....

and yea...she (indeed) has her secret garden....

damn...aren't YOU lucky???

pesan.....

ada kala kita muak, ada kala kita suka
ada kala kita menolak, ada kala kita menerima....

ada saatnya ditutup, dan tak kan dibuka,
ada kala dibiarkan terbuka, tanpa pernah ditutup..

sebuah babak telah dimulai...
untuk diselami....
dalam diam, dalam hening....

pf: 4 U!!!!!!! makasi...untuk 'kultum' nya =) it was interesting...

selamat idul fitri

tinggal jauh dari kampung halaman memang ada enak n ga nya. salah satunya yg selalu ngangenin tuh masakan dan suasana yang ga bisa kita dapetin di t4 kita tinggal skrg. dan makin kerasa pada saat" special...kayak skrg...

jd inget suasana puasa, buka bareng, arus mudik, suasana agak tak seperti biasanya karena pembantuk yg mudik, malam takbiran, mpe silahturahmi ke rumah sodara n temen. dan lebaran ga bakal komplit tanpa adanya ketupat dan temen"nya (opor, rendang, ayam goreng, sambel goreng ati, dll) hmmm...kangen =)

anyway, selamat lebaran buat semua yang merayakan....
Wishing you all the light of faith. All The Deepest Joys of Eid.
Minal Aidzin Wal Faidzin, maapin lahir batin.. semoga di hari yg fitri ini kita semua di beri hati yg fitri juga...jadi tidak hanya bermaaf"an utk hari ini saja...

farewell...

i'm back .........after two and half weeks hiastus.. =)

it's good to be back after away hahaha

hmm....farewell.....bulan ini mungkin bakal jadi farewell terbanyak g. terutama farewell ama anak", juga ama bbrp temen deket juga. ada yang mesti balik untuk nerusin ato memulai masa depan, ada yang karena tuntutan diri dan keluarga. tapi tetep adja. i hate farewell, mau apapun bentuknya....

rasanya sedih banget bakal pisah ama anak", di mana g bisa ngeliat perkembangan mereka selama ini, dari awal mpe udah mo kelar preschoolnya, mpe akhirnya..mereka bakal ke grade 1 taon dpn. seneng sekaligus sedih siy...rasanya mereka udah jauh lebih gede dari pertama g ketemu hahahahha...rasanya ga rela adja ngelepas mereka hahaha... puas, karena at least g bisa liat achievement dasar g ....

dan buat farewell ntar, mereka bakal perform christmas play. can't hardly wait to see them =). they've been practicing for quite a while soale...

dari mereka, g banyak belajar, diantaranya, gimana rasanya menjadi diri ndiri, nyiapin diri untuk sesuatu yg ga diduga, mengekspresikan diri apa adanya, ga mesti nutup"in, belajar untuk jadi lebih 'nakal' juga hihihii, dan terutama..belajar untuk lebih sabar dari sebelumnya.. they've been a really fabulous teacher ...

sampai detik ini, sabar memang masih jadi musuh besar g hahahaha....

well...ngajar itu emang enak ya...walaupun mesti siap' untuk sejuta pertanyaan yang ga bakal bisa diduga dan ga kepikir deeeeh.....it's been such an amazing journey wif you all...

......

teddy bear teddy bear...turn around
teddy bear teddy bear...touch the ground
teddy bear teddy bear...way up high...
teddy bear teddy bear...say good bye...

....

.........

it keeps banging on my head...

orang pernah bilang..idup tuh harus dibikin hepi
soalnya hidup tuh cuma sekali
kepuasan hati, kesenangan duniawi...
itu cuma segelintir contoh yang sering kita jalani..

salah satu sobat pernah ngomong gini tentang langkah yang dia ambil untuk balik ke kehidupan normal:

"salahkah kita kalau secure yang kita inginkan? salahkah kita dengan berlari dari kenyataan? salahkah kita kalau kita ingin hidup di zona nyaman?
hidup gw ga segitu mulianya untuk nolong dia dari kelainan dia. mendingan gw hidup jauh" dari dia dibandingkan ikutan masuk ke dalam kebingungan dia....ngapain ngambil resiko yang bisa berbalik jadi bumerang buat gw?"

apa g udah masuk ke tahap itu? g ga tau.... bisa iya, bisa ga, mungkin? atau g jg ikutan apatis kyk yg laen?

yg pasti..i have something more important..something worth trying, something precious and yea...something i love....

satu yang g tau....g cuma pengen hepi...se ga' nya untuk saat ini, g tau rasanya hepi tuh gimana....

so, kemana adja siy g selama ini yak?